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While Tatarime and Ryu were searching a human suburban neighborhood for the jewel of the fish clan, Tatarime was telling the story of something funny that happened when he was a kid, for about the 90th time. “So I said to this Yurisa, there must be something wrong with your fishing pole, because-”

The human neighborhood was a completely new experience for both of them. Strange fox-like creatures called “dogs” made weird barking noises at them. Weird metal rolley things called “cars” honked their “horns” at them, and everywhere they went, people stared at Ryu’s fox ears and tail, which he had foolishly forgotten to hide.

Stopping from door to door, they asked questions about the fish jewel. They weren’t having much luck. Ryu was just about ready to give up when he noticed something. “Tatarime, what’s that?” The Myobu paused in his story about Yurisa’s fishing pole and gave Ryu a confused look. “What’s what?” “That!” Ryu exclaimed, pointing to a strange thing Tatarime had never seen before. It was a big white rectangle, and it was very dirty. There was an open door on the front of it, with a matching white handle, but there was nothing inside of it. Ryu and Tatarime walked over for a closer look. Only then did Tatarime believe he had seen something like this. “It’s something called a coffin.” He proclaimed. “Humans bury their dead in these things.”

“Do they?” Ryu asked, curiously eyeing the white rectangular coffin. Tatarime proudly crossed his arms, feeling like he knew everything there was to know about human culture. “Yep, the reason why it’s so dirty is because it’s been buried in the ground. It’s sort of a human way of respecting the dead, and so they don’t have to watch their dead rot.” Ryu gave Tatarime a curious look. “If that’s what it is, then shouldn’t there be a body in it?”

Tatarime nodded. “Yes, they do put the bodies of dead humans in them. I don’’t know why it would be empty. Here.” Hoping to give a demonstration on how it was done. “Here, they lie down in here like this, they bury them with their hands folded above their chests like this, and they usually do something called embalmi-” His explanation was interrupted when, without warning, the coffin door slammed shut on him.

“Wow, it sure is dark in here. No problem though, coffins are really easy to get out of. I just have to-” The coffin shifted as Tatarime attempted to open the door, and after just a few seconds, Tatarime called out from inside. “Ryu, I kinda need your help, I can’t get out.”

“I thought you said they were easy to get out of.” Ryu added. “Eh heh heh. Well, yes, but it’s proving to be much harder than I thought it would be.” Again, the coffin began to rock back and forth, only, more violently this time, before coming to rest and lying still. “Ok, Ryu. I can’t get out. I’m really going to need your help on this one.” “Alright.” Ryu replied. “But...how do you open a coffin?” “Well...I don’t know. Think of something. I’m starting to have trouble breathing for some reason.”

Ryu, who was very confused about it, attempted to flip it over, much to Tatarime’s protests. “Hey! Ryu! What are you doing?!” However, Ryu found that the coffin was too heavy to lift. It wasn’t wood at all like he had heard coffins were, it was some kind of combination of plastic and aluminum, materials that Ryu had never encountered before. “I thought I would try to flip it over. If you can’t get out through that door there, maybe they have an emergency door of some sorts in case someone gets trapped in there. This can’t be the first time something like has happened.”

“Ryu, I’m in the darn thing. It might be very dark in here, but I think I can tell that there’s no door on the back. Just hurry up! I’m running out of breath.”

Ryu immediately began searching for something to pry the door open. After scanning his surroundings, he happened to find a random wooden board that just happened to be lying at that exact location in the time/space continuum that no one could ever possibly guess. “Ok hang on Tatarime, I’m going to try and pry the door open.” Trying to slip the board between the door and the body of the coffin, Ryu positioned the board carefully.

Inside the pitch blackness of the strange rectangular plastic coffin, Tatarime only heard a loud snap and heard Ryu say something that was not appropriate for children. “Um...Tatarime?” Ryu began. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this.” “Save it for when you get me out of here, Ryu.” Tatarime interrupted. “Umm...I can’t really. The board’s broken, the one I was trying to pry the door open with.”

Outside the coffin, Ryu could swear Tatarime had just begun to whine like a little girl. It was at that moment when a girl’s voice announced a possible savior.

“NO ONE KNOWS A D*MN THING!!! THIS DOOR-TO-DOOR CRAP NEVER WORKS ANYWAY!!! EXACTLY WHO’S FREAKING IDEA WAS THIS?!?! WHAT AM I, A TRAVELING SALESMEN!!! AND WHY THE HELL IS THERE A FREAKING FISH CLAN ANYWAY?!?! THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY GODD*MN SENSE!!!”

Only Mirru, their human companion had that kind of lung power. Ryu looked up and saw her coming, and began waving his arms frantically and called out to her. “Mirru! I need your help!”

“Ok, fine. What sort of crap did you two get yourselves into this time? Hey, wasn’t Tatarime with you?” Ryu suddenly began to perspire. “Well he’s-” before Ryu could finish, Tatarime began puffing and wheezing from inside the coffin. “Huff...I can’t...huff...breathe in here...” Mirru’s face transformed into a mixture of shock, and, and always, burning rage. “HE’S IN THE REFRIGERATOR?!” “Refrigerator? Tatarime said it was coffin.” “TATARIME’S A DUMBASS!!! GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!” Mirru gave Ryu a forceful shove, then opened the refrigerator door, revealing poor Tatarime, gasping for breath.

“Mirru. I’m amazed. Neither Tatarime or I could open that door. Is there some kind of trick to it? I’d like to learn it.” Mirru sighed. “Yes, there is Ryu, I’m the f*cking refrigerator wizard. YOU JUST HAVE TO PULL THE FRIGGEN’ HANDLE!!! WERE YOU EVEN TRYING TO GET HIM OUT?!?! AND AS FOR YOU TATARIME, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING IN THAT THING ANYWAY?! DON’T YOU KNOW PEOPLE HAVE DIED IN THOSE THINGS?!?!”

Tatarime simply shrugged. “It’s a good thing I’m a kitsune, because when you’re a human, death really sucks.”

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“Hey wait a sec.” Ryu added. “Where’s Uragiru?”

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